Why is it so cold?

I danced with the skeleton of “us”,
Wrapping my hands around myself,
Cold, alone in our living room, with
the record blaring vows of eternal love.
I am starving, for I don’t have you,
To feed me your organic lies.
I am sleepless, for I don’t have
your nightmares to anchor me down.
I lie wide awake twitching to the clock,
It ticks away, another second without you.

I walk around like I’m in a bell jar,
Stale air of old memories floating around,
asphyxiating.
My eyes unfocused, my mind unhinged,
My skin deprived of our electric chemistry,
I wander my mindscape, exploring my dreamscape,
Looking for my door out,
Pocketing a thousand different keys,
Why does nothing fit?!

You wouldn’t come to me.
Not in the Ouija boards.
(are you not dead yet?)
Not in the chat rooms.
(you sure loved those)
Not even in my dreams.
(coward—you were always a coward)
Why won’t you answer my summons?!

You called me your Goddess,
You worshipped me, fervent.
Our bed your altar,
Your heart, the sacrifice.
You sang hymns of me,
Held me close like I’m your ecstacy,
Looked into my eyes and softly,
Sang me your lullaby.
And now,
you have vanished.

I smell you on my blanket,
I hear your voice in a small recess
of my mind—delirious?
I hear your footsteps, run to the door.
Empty. Empty corridor,
Empty house and all alone.

You are gone and I don’t know
where.
You have left and I don’t know
why.
Your Goddess is in despair,
Come back to me, smell my hair,
Cradle me in your arms and sing
me your bad poetry, let me ring
up my shrink and declare myself cured
of this affliction of mind, doc, rest assured.

I don’t need anybody,
If I could just feel your body,
Next to me, pressed on to me,
As I trace your sharp edges,
Your warmth enough to be my sun,
Your dark side enough to be my moon.

But it’s so cold.
So damn cold.
The hallway is empty,
So is my heart.
Come fill me up, you coward.